Managing the obsession

I don't find it too big a problem that I'm more into horses than my husband. He is fairly good natured about it and goes with me to my weekly dressage lesson and then we go shopping afterward. We have some differences of opinion about how to handle horses and used to get into a lot of arguments about horse topics, but I think we've decided it isn't worth arguing about it and we tend to leave those topics alone. We've had horses together for over 25 years and it seems to be fairly smooth. We have horses at home and both enjoy having them here, except when they get into his stuff. I guess we recently did a balancing thing - I bought a new horse trailer and he bought a new flat-bed trailer.

BettyJ

Scot isn't "horsey" but he loves my gelding, Volare, and my filly, Belle. He's a bit intimidated by her, though, because she's pretty wild right now. He's learning to like B, but he has a very bossy, alpha personality and picks on Volare sometimes. About two weeks after I got him he kicked me in the head (i was ok) and Scot wanted him gone, but he's improved a lot over the years and Scot is learning to like him, too.

I know he'd rather live up in town, closer to movies and good restaurants and concerts and such. I know that commuting really bums him out (especially with all the development in our area, traffic has gotten really, really bad) and that he'd prefer to ride his bike to work. This is a big compromise for him, and he's trying really hard. When we both retire we'll find a life he wants, even if it means boarding whoever remains in the herd, rather than having a farm.

He's the first man I've been with who not only puts up with the horses, but embraces the fact the I wouldn't be "me" without them. Before Scot was Michael, who, if I'd just come from the barn, literally used to make me change my clothes in the hallway outside his apartment and leave my equine-scented clothes in vestibule. When we broke up, he shouted, "Why don't you just go marry your horse?"

There is an amount of sacrifice that is paid, but if you find someone who is really into you the price is small. I have watched couples who were both horsey just destroy their relationship over horse opinions. The nice thing about have a non-horsey partner is that you can have a little space. My husband, JR, has a racecar and that keeps him busy while the horses keep me busy. We work at staying interested in each other's toys. I go to some of his races and do things around the garage like run his computer program. I stay up on facts in NASCAR and NHRA, and he reads articles out of my horse magazines. He also does a lot of work around the barn and keeps my truck and trailer in top running form. After 18 years of marriage, when we go to restaurants, a lot of the time, we are the only couple talking to each other! The thing is, we want the other to be happy. When I got hurt a couple of years ago, I spent 8 weeks in and out of the Dr.'s, I was scared that I would be unable to ride again because of my back and neck, it was JR who walked me out to the barn and showed me that I couldn't give up. If a person doesn't accept you and all of your bumps -- you should marry your horse.
Jo