Totally Utterly Confused

Heels down. Leg back. Leg forward. More forward. Too forward. Be lighter with your aids! More leg. Left shoulder drooping. More connection! Not enough. Ask for more. Too much bend. Not enough bend. He's overbent...

That's litany of trainer's words of wisdom reverberating in my head. ARGHHHHH. Sometimes I wonder what made me decide to study this sport. And certainly I thought by choosing three trainers who all came from the same place, more or less, two irregularly and one more regularly, I would be getting the same words, but each ride with a trainer fills me with doubt about my methods.

We went through a period where B felt "rein lame"--in other words, he was going up and down instead of forward and through. We overcame that, for a while, anyway, by pushing him forward to the bridle. Now that rein lame feeling is back, which feels like popping up and down. Also he feels totally dead to my leg and tired. I have a show coming up, so perhaps I'll just take it easy for the next few days, take him on some long walks and maybe jump him a little. After all, we're not going to overcome second level tomorrow, now, are we? My friend Penny keeps encouraging me to ride Jane Savoie's ride with your mind. I've got to get that one. I'm definitely an emotional and psychological rider, tending toward self defeating thoughts. I did change up my language today, noting how clean and collected my reinbacks and shoulder ins are. Conversely, I once again have no "push" in my extended trot. It's one or the other, it seems, but rarely everything at once. I guess we'll be ready to move up when we do have everything at once.